I've spent the last week really intensely involved with kabbalah and Goetia research. No, I'm not talking about Madonna-kabbalah bullshit. I mean the real thing.You know what I mean, tree of life, tarot, elements, merkavah, qlippoth, sefer yetzira, gematria and shit like that - not hoaxy water. And then there's goetia with the demons and the seals and the general zaniness.
Incidentally I might be the only person I know who thinks Madonna's music was as worthless in the eighties as it is now. I liked the ray of Light album, but apart from that I think it's utterly derivative crap. But enough of that.
This stuff really does something to me head. I actually dream of the attributations to the various Sephiroth. I have very vivid dreams in general, and I very often have lucid moments, but this is just freaky. It feels like I'm awake all night, just coincidentally witnessing weird shit in my mind. Figuring I'm gonna take some vitamin b6 to boost the experience too.
There is a reason for this of course. More so than my general interest in the occult and everything that's off the regular paths. I'm preparing for testing my game. Yes, I have created a game. A nerdy role playing game even, so hang me. I'm a huge geek.
But this is not dungeons and dragons. This is the game the christians warned you about in the eighties. This game actually wants you to engage in occultism and masturbation and other EEEEVIL stuff. It's called Sigil, and is based on the occult methods of Crowley, Spare and Genesis P-orridge. We're talking sigilizations basically, with a ritualistic frame to go. And in one month it will finally be tested. (Yes, and it does encourage masturbation as a part of the character creation process). So I'm getting ready for that. And it really makes my head spin. Love it.
The other day I dreamt of a tree of life, where all the stations were manifested in the form of Homer Simpson. I shit you not. Every different Sephiroth was symbolized by a different image of Homer in the appropriate mood. (I'm not certain what the images of Da'ath, Binah or Kether would've been like though...) Just look at this picture, and tell me you've seen better cartoony representations of Gevurah!
So I'm listening to Psychick Warriors ov Gaia and current 93, reading Alan Moore, Crowley and the Lesser Key of Solomon, and my head feels like it's a focal point of thousands of years of confusion and codes - and it's all basically about fucking. Yup. It's all about fucking. All the symbols and all the practices and mysteries, they're all based on various interpretations and permutations of what happens when someone sticks his dick in someones cunt. It's marvellous really. That's the kind of religion I can go for. Christian Death's Valor says "I don't want your fucking God, I don't need your fucking God, he just wants to fuck me, just like you fucked me." I know, I know. He was referring to the age old practice of catholic priests and child molestation and all that. But seriously, child molestation and filthy priests aside, that's exactly the god I want. A fucking-god. Yeah. In fact that's the god I want to be. (But I don't want to be Brian Warner...)
Enough of this nonsensical near hallucinatory rambling! Just wanted to share. You can go back to ignoring me now. I'm gonna do my asana, and go to sleep. Another night of thrills I bet!
